Future Pediatricians Pillows

'We're playing Doctor - he's the caddy.'

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

"They grow up so fast."

Madonna of the Pukes.

"Unfortunately, once the child contracts Pokémon, he lives with it forever."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

Mozart's First Movement - Baby Mozart is sitting on the potty.

The cell phone soother for life.

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Pool attached to child's bed.

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

'The child is very illogical'

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

"The first one's just a warning."

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

Pinocchio's nose used by cat as a scratching post

Pumpkin patch

A tube of toothpaste doesn't reach its full potential until in the hands of a baby.

"Too much sugar."

"We're playing doctor. Do you have any old magazines for our waiting room?"