Future Gazer Gifts

"There's always an element of risk. No one has a crystal ball. OK, I have one, but no one knows how it works."

'I have to say that Hartley puts a damper on any long range plans.'

'You're going to get bigger.'

Tells it like it was, Tells it like it is, Tells it like it will be.

"In the future, everyone will have privacy for fifteen minutes."

'He loved to dream about the future. But never more than 11 minutes into the future.'

New World Order

'I see a beautiful young woman. You're naked, she's leaning over you. Oh, wait. She's performing your autopsy! '

Man: 'Doctor I think my life is out of chronological order', Doctor: 'Good morning, how can I help'

Fortune-teller: 'AHH, what the...?!'

Information desk manned by a fortune teller.

"I see a girl, I see a marriage, I see her not understanding you, I see a beer belly. Do you want me to go on?"

'I see a house, I see you applying for a mortgage, I hear laughter, lots of laughter.'

"I see many gifts. They say do not open till Christmas."

'You say you're having trouble seeing the future.'

Projecting healthcare costs using fortune teller.

'We'll start with the minutes of next year's AGM.'

Fortune teller to lady: 'The world around you is all abuzz and there you are - lesson planning for years to come.'

"I've been predicting a sudden death next week for all my clients lately: Funny hey?!"

"I'm waiting for self-flying cars."

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

"The algorithms that control your future say things are looking good. . ."

Ever wondered what the future will be like? Well, apart from robotic trousers it's just like the seventies.

'Sorry it's taking so long to load. I'm still on dial-up.'

The image is breaking up. I should never have switched to digital.'

'You see me coming here every week and paying you fifty dollars...'

'I only do biometric readings now.'

"Not to worry. I just upgraded to a 5K display monitor, and the future is thirty-three percent clearer."

"Perhaps you'd like a second opinion?"

Woman with crystal ball working at an investment company.

"I see no new taxes, followed by some new taxes."

"Firstly I'd like to welcome our new board member, Madame Zelda...she'll be managing the futures market."

"Your next of kin is going to inherit a lot of money."

"You will never catch up with the new technology."

"If she's so good how come she didn't predict this?"