Future Gazer Gifts

"There's always an element of risk. No one has a crystal ball. OK, I have one, but no one knows how it works."

'I have to say that Hartley puts a damper on any long range plans.'

'You're going to get bigger.'

Tells it like it was, Tells it like it is, Tells it like it will be.

"In the future, everyone will have privacy for fifteen minutes."

'He loved to dream about the future. But never more than 11 minutes into the future.'

New World Order

'I see a beautiful young woman. You're naked, she's leaning over you. Oh, wait. She's performing your autopsy! '

Man: 'Doctor I think my life is out of chronological order', Doctor: 'Good morning, how can I help'

Fortune-teller: 'AHH, what the...?!'

"I see a girl, I see a marriage, I see her not understanding you, I see a beer belly. Do you want me to go on?"

Information desk manned by a fortune teller.

'I see a house, I see you applying for a mortgage, I hear laughter, lots of laughter.'

Nostradamus' Predictions To Go: Nailed it, Close, but no cigar and Missed it by a mile.

"I see many gifts. They say do not open till Christmas."

'We'll start with the minutes of next year's AGM.'

"I've been predicting a sudden death next week for all my clients lately: Funny hey?!"

Projecting healthcare costs using fortune teller.

Fortune teller to lady: 'The world around you is all abuzz and there you are - lesson planning for years to come.'

'You say you're having trouble seeing the future.'

'You will be going on a very long journey...'

"I'm waiting for self-flying cars."

'You see me coming here every week and paying you fifty dollars...'

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

Ever wondered what the future will be like? Well, apart from robotic trousers it's just like the seventies.

'I only do biometric readings now.'

"The algorithms that control your future say things are looking good. . ."

The image is breaking up. I should never have switched to digital.'

"Not to worry. I just upgraded to a 5K display monitor, and the future is thirty-three percent clearer."

'Sorry it's taking so long to load. I'm still on dial-up.'

'But if you want the real lowdown, we'll need some of your DNA.'

First there will be some bad news... then things will get worse

"You will never catch up with the new technology."

'You will soon be on a serious roll. Wait-make that a bagel.'

'I'll be right with you. I'm reading my horoscope.'