Future Ceos Gifts

'Amanda, you've got to get over being shy.'

"When I grow up, I'm going to be a suit."

'Since the healthcare legislation became law, our Little MBA kit outsells our Little Doctor Kit by a hundred to one.'

'We'd like to roll over our allowance.'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"Stock options for your thoughts."

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

"This is the most important election of our lifetime."

'He got a raise but not enough to help him clear the fence.'

'We're under capitalized. As soon as we reach the break even point we'll buy a lemon.'

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

'I guess there are lots of rotten jobs, Gramma...I hope I don't have to clean the taco hut forever.'

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

"Oh dear...I don't think negotiations are going too well..."

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

'Let's hope the new norm means that less really is more.'

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

I need to set upmy own company.

Clowns in the board room: 'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to, well, pie.'

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

'...And for the low visibility positions we can bring people on board who can, you know...do things.'

"If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?"

"Gee, thanks! What rate of interest does it pay?"

'When will I be old enough to have my own people?'

'When I say we all need to make sacrifices, I, of course, didn't mean us.'

"Still believe leaders are born not developed?"

"I hope you're not going to let this I.P.O. affect your grades."

'Keep asking for more allowance. It's good practice for negotiating future stock and option grants.'

"You're just gaming down there? Shouldn't you be issuing your first IPO for some billion dollar internet enterprise you've created?"

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

Businessman with briefcase pushes stroller with baby and its briefcase.

A young boy sits behind a lemonade stand with a sign that reads "Lemonade 25¢ - Jay Antosh, Chief Executive Officer".

"So a play date next Tuesday, okay? Have your people call my people to set it up."

"There's only one thing I hate more than a 'yes man', and that's a 'no man'!"