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Watchdog

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Can't Touch This

Shakespeare's Lost Play: The Taming of the Pooch.

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

'My dentist recommended it.'

'Do you want to watch the weather/natural disaster channel, the nuclear proliferation channel, or the gun violence/Kennedy assassination channel?'

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

Sorry, I thought you said you wanted to see 'Parrot Normal Activity'

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

'Every TV show seems to have a lucrative phone-in competition these days.'

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'

Meet John Henderson. - The only journalist NOT to have interviewed serial killers in prison...

"I suppose we have Judge Judy to thank for all this."

Diana Inquest - 'It's time to move on, and start making a TV mini-series of her life.'

Silly News.

'Here's veteran pundit Edwin Shrock to sound off og whether any other pundits actually know what they're talking about...'

Tonight, on the microwave channel... chicken pot pie!

"We've known each other for years Bob, and this grooming style suited you when you were young, but it's time to let it go!"

A TV tank

'In an unexpected development, an illegal alien won 'American Idol.''

'Even I didn't realize it was a disease.'

"TV violence made him do it. Says he'll name shows if we drop the charges."

'It's a new reality show about a reality show producer...'

'We've got to stop him watching Robert Peston.'

Truly Educational Children's Programming