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Watchdog

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

Can't Touch This

Shakespeare's Lost Play: The Taming of the Pooch.

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

Can't Touch This

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

Christmas TV...

'My dentist recommended it.'

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

Meet John Henderson. - The only journalist NOT to have interviewed serial killers in prison...

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

Sorry, I thought you said you wanted to see 'Parrot Normal Activity'

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'

'Every TV show seems to have a lucrative phone-in competition these days.'

'Do you want to watch the weather/natural disaster channel, the nuclear proliferation channel, or the gun violence/Kennedy assassination channel?'

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

"I suppose we have Judge Judy to thank for all this."

Diana Inquest - 'It's time to move on, and start making a TV mini-series of her life.'

Tonight, on the microwave channel... chicken pot pie!

'Here's veteran pundit Edwin Shrock to sound off og whether any other pundits actually know what they're talking about...'

Sherlock Holmes' tax return

Silly News.

A TV tank

'In an unexpected development, an illegal alien won 'American Idol.''

"We've known each other for years Bob, and this grooming style suited you when you were young, but it's time to let it go!"

'Even I didn't realize it was a disease.'

"TV violence made him do it. Says he'll name shows if we drop the charges."

'It's a new reality show about a reality show producer...'

'We've got to stop him watching Robert Peston.'