Furniture Laugh Seekers Pillows

"We've decided to give you a bonus, Rick. It's any change you find under the cushions."

"That'll be five bucks."

"It's also a flat-bed scanner."

A cock up of builders

"This one seems perfect, but do you have it in red?"

'No, we did not order a corner unit.'

'I don't understand. Why do you want to have your arms extended?'

"I finished my act. Could you come over and give me a hand?"

'Mom and Dad, like when did you first text that you loved each other?'

Scarecrow

'We're gonna need a bigger couch.'

Dogs with alcohol collars.

"Family vacation is an oxymoron."

"Look, you always hated the wicker furniture and bamboo is scarce, so consider it a win-win."

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

"Dancing with the liquidators."

Sofa Sale: 'I like this sofa - I'll take it.'

"Have you tried the David and Goliath cocktail?"

"These instructions are useless. Keep up the good work."

Pneumatic seat raised through roof.

Timber!

'It's an obvious case of identity theft.'

"Her name is 'Precious', but her nickname is 'why we can't have nice things.'"

"The hibiscus really ties the place together."

"How much should I spend on a bottle of wine?"

It's A Footstool! It's A Hassock!!It's... OTTOMAN!!!

Monster eating furniture,

"Honey, they're decorative."

Sofa Change Machine.

Medical and Window Treatments

Boss, FedEx just delivered a crate full of hazmat suits. Excellent. On your lunch break, drape a couple of them over the trash cans outside every caf

Here Lies Inventor of Autocorrect - Restaurant in Peace

Thieves searching for money down the back of the sofa.

You gonna finish that?

'I can't save your husband, but I can save you 20%!'