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'No, no, no I said SIT'

"Pampered?"

'I like to watch a good car chase...'

'We're half way through teaching her to roll over.'

"It's from the dog, he's asking for the tin opener."

"I love my mistress, but I must say I resent the leash."

Pet Owners' Date Night

The "Empty" Nest maxim and misnomer

"We spoil that dog, Mildred."

"Some days it's only the barking that keeps me sane."

"Helen, Don, you're probably wondering why I called you here today. I'm afraid the answer is achingly simple: I can't get down."

'We're gonna need a bigger couch.'

'He's almost human.'

Symbol on dogs restroom is a fire hydrant.

Dog wants to be walked.

'We've GOT to get the bullet out,,,'

'Honey must not like you! She's never bitten anyone before.'

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'

Cat to owner: 'Define 'affection'.'

'I won't dignify that statement with a response.'

'I'm teaching him to give me a doggie treat whenever I lay real still.'

"I think she's figured out what W-A-L-K means."

"I don't know how I'd make it through this without you." "Food."

"Are you all right?"

"No no, I said sit!!"

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

Rusty starts to have very violent thoughts toward his tail.

'Yes I know I'm intelligent and famous, but I'd trade it all for a good old belly scratching.'

"Just gotta wait 'till she wakes up."

Babies vs. Dogs

"Look, children are just pathetic substitutes for people who can't have pets."

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."