Funny Story Collector Gifts

A frog catches an insect truck.

"Sure, the cow jumped over the moon, and he also burned up on re-entry."

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'Bert's dog training.'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

The Rooster Comedian.

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

Cake Free Zone

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

"Eat me"

Useless add-ons.

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

A 'Falling Rock' and a 'Deer Crossing' zone.

Suffering from Cooties?

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

Irritable trowel syndrome.

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"Fantastic! Do you realize what we've just stumbled upon? It's the fabled Lost Glove Compartment of the Ancient Astronauts!"

A watch face with Stonehenge