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'How was that for me?'

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

"You're hogging the covers again!"

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

Malfunctioning geyser

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

'I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer.'

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

Ereptile Dysfunction

"The phrase is 'score,' dude."

"What's come between us?"

"That word-puzzle gloat of yours is getting old fast."

"I want an instant replay of you taking out the garbage."

"I told you. All men are reptiles.!

"If you'll have me, I'd like to be your blind spot."

"Well yes, pretty and kind were big factors, but her nitpicking abilities are what really won me over..."

'I miss the days when you used to wear cologne instead of just rolling in something in the backyard.'

'I've been offered early retirement but my wife won't let me take it.'

'What do you mean, our marriage license has expired?'

'Golf is Life (his).'

"I never said I liked this show...I'm only enjoying it because you hate it."

Retired Talk Show Host.

Daughter/psychiatrist

" and my husband will have..."

Woman replaces her husband with her smartphone.

"If you've been affected by any issues raised during our love-making there's a number you can call."

'Do try and look intelligent-here comes my first husband...'