Funds And Fun Prints

Looks like another profit's warning

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"Basically, your new job here at the Treasury Department implementing the bailout is simple, Grayson, just grab and armful of money and run..."

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

'All those in favor of requesting a government bailout, say 'Karl Marx'.'

Fortune cookies based on various business magazines.

"However, we're doing rather well, according to uninformed sources."

"Okay, like, the good news is we can pay Paul. The bad news is we gotta rob Peter."

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

"That was a rumor day."

"I'm at that awkward stage between credit card payments and alimony payments."

It's 10 P.M. does anyone know what 'sequestration' means?

'There it is! I've isolated the origin of the firm's demise.'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

We only have two things to fear - fear itself and someone getting a look at our books.

'Stocks gyrated today on news life is full of suprises.'

'Till debt do us part...'

'our chances seemed pretty good until you lighted that 20.'

'He, also, rebounded our stocks with our endorsement deal.'

'My Dad won't let me tell what I did on my summer vacation...he doesn't want anyone to know where he set up his offshore bank accounts.'

"If you can't take it with you, this must be Hell."

Sounds of the market hitting all time highs. . .

'I've heard of cooking the books... but how did you rotisserie them and why?'

'Does he do anything besides watch the money?'

"Sorry, the only way we can afford a 3D printer, is if it can print some bearer bonds."

Sale - All Junk Bonds 50% Off.

'My new investment counselor keeps referring to my stock portfolio as 'a financial aneurism waiting to happen'.'

"My assets consist of a piggy bank, 2 teeth for the tooth fairy, and whatever change I find in the living room sofa."

"Don't put your money into stocks. Bury it!"

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

Shareholders Meeting - I don't like the look of this year's annual shindig.

Masochism for stockholders.

'Do we have enough money for sweets yet?'

"I asked my investment advisor for something that was low cost, easy to manage, and also functions on its own. He suggested an index fund or a robo vac."

Looks like another hostile takeover...