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'Basically, what you're saying is I get a box of chocolate chip cookies and the sixth grade class gets a field trip to Tuscany?'

"The shock of an unsolicited grant was just too much."

"Our war is against cancer."

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

"You can either make a pledge or join us in this weekend's Barkathon."

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

Pearly King and Queen

'Tommy's doing fine. I'm concerned about your poor fund-raising record. You sold only two magazine subscriptions and one measly candy bar.'

We're making progress building a staff for the palace. The king's lawyer and accountant has sealed lips, of course. Putting a big heart in the charity foundation chief, and building the gardener with a green thumb were excellent choices, Ernie. But the entertainers sill need some fixes. The jester doesn't have a funny bone. I'm nobody's fool. And you have the minstrel a tin ear! Oops.

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

'I don't think I've ever heard of the Geezer Scouts or Geezer Scout cookies.'

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

Lincoln v. Douglas - 2020

"Well, we got the grant."

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

"Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember . . ."

The nonprofit dog fight.

Bake Sale! To benefit our town animal shelter

"Look! It's the Montgomerys from the breast-cancer walk."

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to get approval from the offices of Terminology, Evidence, Proof of Demand, Documentation, Measurement and Predictions before I can even think about signing off."

Girl Scout cookies selling the girl scout.

"The nonprofit competitive grant season begins

"Waldo starts a GoFindMe."

"Should I just give him the £2.50 or does that look cheap. . . would he say anything if I just walked past?"

"Hang in there, pal. I launched a crowdfunding website for you."

Vicar prays for money for church repairs.

'I'm getting a head start for Movember.'

Large cap funds

"I told him he was allowed one phone call. He's making a pledge to Channel 13."

'We finally nailed down where our congregation's priorities lie!'

"I do a lot for charity but I don't like to talk about it. . ."

'Let me introduce my biggest supporter, a real whale of a guy, a huge fan..'

'Do we have enough money for sweets yet?'

'So then the alien stepped out of the UFO and said that he was a fundraiser from another planet, which was quite novel, I thought.'