Funding Funster Pillows

'Our proposal didn't get the grant, but they want us to teach proposal writing.'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

British savings accounts

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

'You're close, Spencer, but usually a business plan is a little more involved!'

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

"I didn't say my dog ate my homework. I said Russian bots ate my homework."

"The new revenue stream is finally kicking in."

What happens when the bears are running the market.

'In order to fund your deferred compensation, we won't be paying you any salary.'

I've found a loophole in your loophole

'Don't worry about a few pounds up or down. Our main concern is always your bottom line.'

Cafe investors: I'd like your support in acquiring the lemonade stand down the street. By cutting redundant labor, marketing and technology. I place our annual savings at $17 billion. The phone company investors bought it. Can monkey lick your head?

"Are you ready to engage with rock-rased content?"

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

'And finally, a steady decline in earnings has forced us to trim the presentations budget.'

'Oh, wait. There's a note. It says; Fill her up with euros.'

'I love it when you say - 'I'm going to print money'.'

'It takes great courage of conviction to know you're wrong, yet still proceed forward.'

"...but do not take Clynkovix if you are already taking any other drug with a ridiculous name."

'Well, Eddy may look a bit rough, but he's good at heart - last week, he bought stocks from a company which produces cuddly puppy toys in pink ballet dresses!'

Wall Street Money Never Sleeps. They've obviously never seen my investment portfolio.

"Dad, the dean has gone over your financial statement, and he doesn't think you're working up to your full potential."

'Looks like your recovery has been slowed by a diet rich in Greece, followed by a bout of gas problems. Continue to take your QE and call me next quarter.'

Damn. Out of quarters again for the Pay Electron Microscope.

10 Days Without an Interest Rate Change

'Stocks fell on the news that whatever can go wrong, usually does go wrong.'

Uncle Sam is Big Brother.

"Goodbye cruel world."

"The nonprofit competitive grant season begins

Guess your net worth, only 25 cents.

'Probably just another correctional movement.'

"Times are perfect for us masochists!..."

'Don't panic, folks! It's red ink, not blood!

"This place has a water view if you're looking at the mortgage."