Fund Steward Pillows

Purvison heads our environmentally-conscious growth fund

The day the stock market went UP.

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

Don't mind us. We're just trying to eat more locally grown food.

"Would you like some wings?"

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

Tommy Cooper at the bottle bank - Glass, Bottle, Bottle, Glass..

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

"Don't just forage - upcycle!"

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

Insect extinction

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

'Don't let him pick the wine. He thinks Dom Perignon was someone who got knocked off on the Sopranos.'

'There's too many of us... I'm going to start forming a 'W'.'

"I make it myself!"

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"OK Dad, I've counted and categorised all the trees in our part of the wood: Now we can start on our sustainability plan..."

'Why can't you SHARE the hedge?'

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

Tree Funeral

'I'm filling in for the sommelier. We have a fine shiraz today for only $39. It's 14.7 alcohol, a Class 1B flammable, so if I see you consume it near an open flame, I'll have to cite you.'

"I'm sure you've heard of foodies - he's a drinkie."

'I'll be conducting Mahler 3 as the guests arrive.'

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

'Okay, that's 4 for the Malbec, 3 for the Chianti and 2 for the Merlot. You want to go with that, or wait for the write-in votes?'

'May I recommend a dry white with the seafood dish.'

'I'm sorry, Collin, but our Dreyfus Mid-Cap fund completely tanked, so we're going to have to let you go.'

'My husband will order the wine. He happens to be a graduate of the 3-Second Master of Wine program.'

'I told him we're becoming an endangered species. He just laughed.'

'Heads it's mortgage payment, tails it's 1st growth Bordeaux.'

"I spent all day looking for this Malbec, not that anybody cares."