Fund Finder Gifts

'I have found $80,000 under the cushions.'

Fishing sign.

'This is the BEST well we've dug!!'

"There's more inside."

'Throw me back and I'll tell you where a 12-pounder is hiding.'

Your energy bill is enclosed. You might want to sit down.

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

Fishing direction sign.

'Your future looks charming.'

"Let me know if you smell any large-mouth bass."

'I'm sorry, Collin, but our Dreyfus Mid-Cap fund completely tanked, so we're going to have to let you go.'

"Please, Lord, enough already."

"Secondhand books, reheated coffee"

'I want you stop referring to our grant as 'The Big Dipper.''

'Can you get me in touch with people that own me money?'

'The very name 'windfall profits' show it's an act of god.'

The Institute Of Innovative Ways To Get Government Grants.

"Either the fortune cookie cutter failed, or you have a lot of issues you're not telling your mother about."

'They want to close our lab. What's that all about?'

Researchers attempt to find out once and for all whether great things really can just fall in your lap.

"Oh great!...He;s a fitness guru!!"

'You can lead a horse to water, Ezra, but you can't...?'

"I'm applying for a grant to be able to apply for more grants."

'Oh, just send it the cheapest way.'

business illustration

When Tia Carmen says... "Every misfortune you have carries in it the seed of tomorrow's good luck!" it means... "I didn't win the lottery last week, but this week that jackpot's mine!"

Whatever you're thinking of buying, we promise to make you feel slightly inferior.

Mr. Fun

'Continuing to deficit spend during a budget crunch is what makes America great!'

The back-to-school shopping season claims its first victim.

'What's gold doing now'

'Bad news. . . Things are too good to get any grant money.'

'You wanted this vase? Don't worry, I'll be having a yard sale tomorrow and you can buy it.'

"I finally acquired enough wealth to buy nearly anything I want but I can't remember what it was I wanted."

'I'm coming out of the closet. I'm into material wealth, and I'm not afraid to admit it.'