Fun With Words Gifts

School of Psychiatry: Do not repress

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Backfire

Cat Towels

"The best part is that we got hell to pay for it."

Bangers and Mash

"The bags under my eyes have combined to form some kind of face backpack."

"What do you call a person who only eats corn?"

"Fresh pepper spray?"

'Take me to you lieder.'

'I think he would come back to earth if women would just stop kissing him.'

'All right!! Bull's-eye!'

Apricots

"This city is becoming unlivable."

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

Loopholes

Prayboy

Dyslexic Cattle Ranch

Hot Dog Animals: $2

"I'm dating a lunar astronaut!"

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

Buck Naked

"What do cows do in their spare time?"

Commonly confused homonyms: Frigate and Frigate

"Whether we refer to them as lakes or ponds, it's mere semantics."

"No, I said to swab the deck!"

'I don't think we should have any more eggs Chester. Maybe you should see the vet about having your chicken nuggets removed.'

'I'll have another flu shot.'

"No, those people aren't anorexic. Those people are starving."

"I was raised in New York and Nancy is from L.A., but we're bringing up the children bicoastal."

Baby in Trunk.

"Well, what else am I supposed to do with an olive branch no one wants?"

'I told you we should use some pig Latin in our quarterly statement. It's important to have investors trying to decipher something other than our quarterly returns.'

"'A', I'm adorable."