Friend In The Corporate World Mugs

'When the music stops, sit down in the nearest chair. Whoever doesn't get a chair is redundant.'

Boss's Desk Says No!

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

Welcome to the Team

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

'What's wrong now?'

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

Well, I see Wilcox is finally using his head...as a paperweight!

Superheroes Having a Drink

"Since you somehow managed to get past my moat, I'll give you a few minutes."

"Of course we'll give you a choice. Would you prefer to lose your job to outsourcing or to robotic automation?"

'Everyone's true personality comes out on dress-down Fridays, even the boss's.'

"No annual raises, but I will 'like' all your hard work on Facebook."

"Make yourself comfortable so that we can discuss your raise."

Subordinate Employee

To determine which department would be awarded the Billings contract, employees agreed to play a best-of-five dodgeball tournament.

'We got you a bigger desk. With all the work we'll be dumping on you, you'll be needing it.'

That endless instant between initial eye contact and conscious recognition.

'Ah, Gripes, you want to discuss a raise with me, eh? Come in, sit down, make yourself comfortable!'

'He's faxing like there's no tomorrow.'

InOutYada Yada.

'But before we move on, allow me to belabor the point even further...'

"And, for insurance purposes, you must buy insurance."

"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."

"We could try 'gravity' as an excuse."

"The camera is mounted on your desk for a reason. There's been some paperclips missing, and we think you're the culprit."

"Does this desk make my job look big?"

'Being taller than me will get you nowhere.'

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

'Miss Barnes, cancel my appointments. If I start swimming now, I can be back in the office in a few weeks.'

"I'm going in."

Race for Results

"Nope! He'd never set eyes on a water cooler in all his years in the office!"