Friend In Corporate Mugs

"And this, Wilcox, is my reality."

"105% of the staff who completed 84% of the process were 95% sure that it was a 100% waste of time."

"My God!....Will this presentation never end?"

Boss's Desk Says No!

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

Welcome to the Team

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

'What's wrong now?'

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

Well, I see Wilcox is finally using his head...as a paperweight!

Superheroes Having a Drink

"Since you somehow managed to get past my moat, I'll give you a few minutes."

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

"Of course we'll give you a choice. Would you prefer to lose your job to outsourcing or to robotic automation?"

'Everyone's true personality comes out on dress-down Fridays, even the boss's.'

"No annual raises, but I will 'like' all your hard work on Facebook."

"Make yourself comfortable so that we can discuss your raise."

To determine which department would be awarded the Billings contract, employees agreed to play a best-of-five dodgeball tournament.

'We got you a bigger desk. With all the work we'll be dumping on you, you'll be needing it.'

That endless instant between initial eye contact and conscious recognition.

InOutYada Yada.

'He's faxing like there's no tomorrow.'

'Ah, Gripes, you want to discuss a raise with me, eh? Come in, sit down, make yourself comfortable!'

'But before we move on, allow me to belabor the point even further...'

"And, for insurance purposes, you must buy insurance."

"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."

"We could try 'gravity' as an excuse."

"The camera is mounted on your desk for a reason. There's been some paperclips missing, and we think you're the culprit."

"Does this desk make my job look big?"

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

'Miss Barnes, cancel my appointments. If I start swimming now, I can be back in the office in a few weeks.'

'I'm here for 10 years and I don't have a clue about what this company is doing. I'm here just because of the gossip!'

Race for Results