Franchise Guru T-Shirts

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Robot Parts $5

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

Large Dollar Sign Office Block

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

The MBA Draft

GAS PRICES AT PUMP

Sir Winston Churchill

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"I suppose just climbing the greasy pole is no longer an option..."

'The downside to my meteoric rise to the top is that I didn't have the opportunity to step on many people.'

The best financial decision I ever made.

The Dubloon Stops Here

'I'm sorry but I'm afraid the corporation is going in a different direction.'

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

'You'll be happy to see that I've finally managed to turn things around.'

Teamwork!

Career opportunities

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

'Instead of a raise, Yomp, you may call me 'Chief', instead of Mr Staghorn.'

"The derby is better. That makes you look like Abraham Lincoln."

"I can always tell when Philip is working on family finances. A 'cursor' appears on both sides of the computer screen."

"And now. . . which shoes?"

Fiscal cliff - US dollar falling over the edge.

"Uh-Oh..."

A Day In The Kitchen

"I'm teaching him to rollover my 401 (k)."

Target your customer.