Fortunte Telling T-Shirts

"Madame Zelinski can provide an even more accurate. Reading with your date of birth and social security number,"

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"Why bother?"

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

Asking out a palm reader.

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Quantum Psychic

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

Channelling on the Cheap

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

Pie Filling Reader

Card Reader in PC Supplies Store.

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

"I see a pretty lady who looks a lot like you....a very kind lady...and she's adopting what appears to be a box of adorable kittens!"

Using psychic powers, the final exam had been a breeze. However, Madame Evetta did not realize that the student in front of her from who she had obtained the majority of her answers, was Bugs Higgins.

'I can see a visit to the vet, but, oh my, no more kids after that!...'

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

Psychic to Leylandii tree - 'You will reach great heights.'

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'