Fortunist Mugs

Fortune Cookie Writers

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

"You must be cheating - no one's that lucky!"

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"See? A huge surge in all the major crowdfunding sites right before the Big Bang!"

"We do have faith but I'm afraid our policy is still not to accept Bitcoin."

'I hope it;s an express.'

Signing the declaration of independence.

Catastrophe Risk Insurance

"How will you be paying? Crypto, Venmo, electronic fund transfer, credit card, check, cash, precious metals, brightly colored shells or livestock?"

"This one's really scary. It's about what's happening to my 401k."

'A-1 security from crime ... but can't stand the isolation.'

'Congratulations! You've just won ten million dollars!'

"When I grow up, I want to impeach a president."

"Brian's always had a good nose for business."

Man selling dirt and mud.

Assange Among Friends

'Never underestimate my ability to slink'

"I'm kind of a big deal in antisocial media."

"Sorry, I don't really believe in being social offline."

'We would like to visit with you about the possibility of expanding our franchise...'

Hello, Mary Popmedia. Who do you think you are? A citizen journalist. Ha. You have no training, no experience. What gives you the right? The first amendment! Or is it the second amendment? I have the experience to look up the answer.

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

'It's so reassuring to know that the Fed is standing at the ready to continue destroying the value of the dollar.'

Natural causes of death in Russia: diseases, old age, homosexuality.

"I'd like to explore the futures market."

"Do you accept credit card?"

'Excited by the quarterly report?'

fortune teller and credit card.

'I'm sorry, Jerome. Instead of marriage and having kids, I've decided just to have myself cloned.'

"The wealth inequality is a good lesson, since a bullish portfolio will make you rich, not happy."

Castle Cat Flap

'Good news! The stock market is about to explode upwards on . . .'

'I'm sorry, your broker is no longer available. He's been replaced by an app.'