Former Doctors Club Gifts

"I used to be a physician, but after being sued for malpractice I realized I was in the wrong profession!"

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

Sign in doctors office - Malpractice Makes Perfect.

Scrip Doctor

Doctor's poker.

'I'm so proud of Trevor for getting an early start on his negative campaign for Student Council.'

'Since he stopped smoking, he doesn't know what to do with his mouth.'

'When you perform the surgery, please don't remove any of my untapped potential.'

'For the larger appetite we suggest choices from the children's menu.'

"Med school was a blast."

Sockening Feeling

I'm thinking of voting for Bernie Sanders, but I have no idea why. I know why, little buddy. Socialist. Old man. Gray, frizzy hair. Gets grumpy when people aren't listening to him. Not following. Think

'The doctor doesn't like computers, he prefers to lose patients' records the old fashioned way.'

"Lucky we caught it early. It's easier to treat in the larva stage."

'It's hard to believe we met in a fitness club.'

"Well, if you know of a better military re-enactment club, go to it."

'If I am elected my economic plan will include tax rebates for any unfulfilled campaign promises!'

Shriek! Scream! Yell louder. Bellow! More rage, please. Debate club?! Yeah. They switched to a cable tv talk show format.

'Billy, I'm not going to argue the semantics of biting. Whether or not you penetrated skin, I'm calling your mother.'

"Can Eddie come out and throw his goddam back out?"

'I'm sorry, but the doctor can't see you right now.'

'For goodness sake, Harry. All the child wants to do is take out your appendix.'

"I don't understand, it got 5 stars on the travel website."

Every year at the annual 'MoveOn Swim Day', Dan really regretted having dated Grasie Wallace in high school.

'I've had the headache for 3 days. The shortness of breath just started.'

"I feel as if we've known them for years."

"There's been nothing wrong with me lately and that's got me worried."

'Human rights are a western con trick. If you let us plunder your country, we'll teach you how a one party system works.'

Liberal Who Deeply Cares About the Republican Party

Jarvis Sudo: He didn't do much but he knew the right people.

"We're practicing our bad penmanship. In case we want to become doctors some day."

'I wanted to show them what a patriot I am, but they wouldn't let me vote!'

"I'm only fourteen right now, but I figure by the time I get through this line I'll be old enough to drive."

"I was just thinking, maybe I should become a Democrat again."