Former Champions Gifts

I find it hard to believe you were a Dog-Show winner when we met...

Businesswoman Empowerment

'William, I've decided to go back to work so I can get a little rest during the day.'

"All those training sessions, seminars and studies... ... to reinforce the reality of womens equality and extirpate any remnants of a deluded belief in male superiority When all we had to do was show them Rachel Daly doing a bicycle kick GASP!"

'You do realize you're no longer a pro athlete and there is no preseason to work out the kinks, don't you?'

The young Michael Phelps: 'Just another four laps and I'll get out!'

Medalist wears five gold medals to form olympic rings.

Resilience Funds and Imperialism

'I can't remember. Edith, am I forgetful?'

The Basic Blueprint for 99% of Today's Conversations (or So it Seems)

Jack Johnson

"Oi!"

All Washed Up

The future Muhammad Ali about to be conceived.

'I've gone over the fight tapes and I think I've pinpointed your weakness.'

The five stages of laundry 1. Denial I'll do it tomorrow. 2. Anger Why are there no clean clothes!? 3. Bargaining Ok! Who wants to help with the laundry? 4. Depression Can't. Do. It. 5. Acceptance

Volunteer Bureau: 'I want to help people who are older than myself...'

"I shot 60 and you say that isn't bad, but I aim to do even better on the second hole!"

Former Wrestlers: "Think of it this way....you made weight, again."

Upon winning another bowling championship, Dalton throws his ball to the spectators.

Statue of a housewife.

Defense Not losing Goal Offense Winning

'The thing I liked best about being an amateur is that the other guy was an amateur too!'

'See, dear? I told you it still fits!'

Doing the washing up.

Terrible with Names Anonymous

'If you had a tapeworm, would you keep it?'

'Never mind sir, going bald means less hair to keep tidy.'

"I don't mind losing to him, but does he have to use those little plastic clubs?"

'... and I got this one for being a dishwasher.'

'I batted cleanup, I was the R.B.I. king, the go-to guy...then the boss said no more sports metaphors.'

You're saying you've made the bed, vacuumed the stairs and now you want to visit my mother's - have you been at the St John's Wort again?

"Vote to Make America Sane Again!"

'200 years ago this was swamp as far as the eye could see!'

Only You Can FIRE Him!