Form Rejection Expert Pillows

"That's right, Mr. Jenkins, we rejected your membership application because you wrote your name on it..."

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

'Rozlyn, that blouse is very cute! I think you should get it.'

"We do not usually acknowledge unsolicited manuscripts, but we want you to know that we tore yours into tiny pieces. Yours sincerely, The Op-Ed Page."

'If someone sent an email and the National Security Agency did not spy on it, would it still be an email?'

"My conclusion that he lied was based on his body language, his polygraph results, and the complete implausibility of his story."

"Or perhaps we could just have them wear these 'M-for-Muslim' patches...."

Nutty Assistants

'Hold the Ferguson report. Ed's had enough information for the day.'

'Don't give up Albert - one of these cans has to have tuna in it!'

"I can't decide whether to specialize in criminal law or legal punditry."

"Arithmetic doesn't agree with me."

"These are the forms you need to fill out to show that our primary focus is client care."

What did you know?/When did you know it?

"Your book is a masterpiece, but, unfortunately, we're rather picky."

'Oh, no! They've got a Swiss-army defence lawyer!'

Learning curve: 'Your book was crap!'

'No, no, of course I think you're beautiful ... it's just that, ever since you showed me those baby pictures of you ... well, I just can't seem to get those images out of my head.'

'Not getting into university is not going to stop me doing the things I hoped to do...'

Parking validation

I.D. Cards Protest Group - Database of members: Name, Age, Address, Income, Occupation, Marital status...

'Nightmare on Form Street.'

"We ran your credit rating and came up with a negative number."

Publishing

"Slammed the door in your face, huh? Guess she really meant that NO SOLICITORS sign!"

'I didn't pass the audition for the School Choir: They said I had a squeaky voice...'

"Your appointment's at 2:00 but you'll need to be here by 11:00 to start filling out the forms."

A patient bill of rights doesn't scare me.

'Well, I've never called an expert witness on expert witnesses before...'

'... Well, at least it wasn't a total refusal. She did say she'd go out with me if hell freezes over!'

'You know your team of expert lawyers? -- they defected.'