Forest Dweller Gifts

'Henry and I are thinking of moving to one of those forests with lawn maintenance.'

"What you want is Woodland Avenue."

Tree to a woodpecker: 'Now lower - and to the left.'

"Once you've been caught in the headlights life seems somehow inexorably changed."

Lumberjack - Yew Tube.

'The nice thing about being a skunk is you never need to wear insect repellent.'

'Okay - everybody stop chewing! Stop your munching - it's time for lunch! Do we have a great union or what?'

The Pine tree's version of a car air freshener.

The Ekert Saga: 'I felt a bit bloated, so I took a break from the ego smorgasbord of people to hang out with the animals in the woods for a while.'

Porcupine with one quill to other: 'I got downsized.'

'I figured this would make great soup - I got it from a hunter this morning!'

'Did you eat at the lodge tonight?'

"Tarzan didn't want to downsize, but he took an early retirement – and then Jane got the axe."

Paper Production

'At my age kiddo, I spend more time answering the call of Nature than the call of the Wild...'

'Call me lazy if you want, but I wouldn't trade my life with anybody else's...'

'Still, it's important to remember that I accomplished my goal of retiring at fifty.'

Christmas tree exchange

"You were right, Louis. . . I was cold before, but now it's warm and toasty."

A man emerges from a tree stump

Reindeer hiding from hunter

I worry about that kid.

Hi, my name is "Forrest." He certainly has an inflated picture of himself. (Published originally on March 19, 2008).

"We needn't have a fancy home, just a place to rest when we no longer roam."

"Maybe if we added some pumpkin spice?"

"Ok, maybe a surprise party wasn't the best idea."

Welcome to Kew Gardens

"It's a trap, Gary! Run!"

"It's got everything: northern exposure, hardwood floors, central tree."

"I dunno, looks like a trap."

Absolut Cullum.

A man rakes a tree

"Nintey-six kids? Well, you look amazing."

Deforestation.

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."