Forensic Foodie Pillows

'Another sad case of an over dose on uncut sugar cereal.'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

Try to guess the continent dining...

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"Two burgers, two fries, two martinis—and we'll have those to go."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

GM Crops Genie.

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

CSI Fridays

'You're experienced with blood stains I trust?' (Smarthy ACME Carpet Cleaners)

'If Darwin had been the cook on the Beagle' 'Menu- its Evolution'.

Armstrong, an unmarked truck just delivered a pallet of mystery meat. Turkey. It doesn't look like turkey. It looks more like some sort of dehydrated pigeon. What's it matter? If we slap it in a sandwich, smother it in "gravy," and label it "turkey," customers won't know the difference. Wait, did you just think quotes around the word gravy? "no."

"Your chocolate biscuits and cakes are getting smaller - and where's your sweets aisle?"

Horse meat scandal.

"Do you have anything with FOOD in it?"

Rat Hair: Peanut Butter Ingredient.

"Pecan pie with rum-raisin ice cream is the best revenge."

The big break in the case of the missing French Fries: 'But just to make sure, can you have each of them squawk.'

"Management would like you to keep in mind that the latest research indicates that everything on our 'Healthy Menu' is now unhealthy."

"Remind me - superfood or carcinogen?"

'Police. We have reason to believe you've been hacking into your neighbor's computers and stealing their recipes.'

'Waiter! There's a . . . oh, never mind.'

Butcher Shop. Special: Soup Bones! Soup has bones?!

"Will you all please bow your heads for the reading of the menu."

CIA Cafeteria: 'It's nice of you to ask, but the recipe is classified.'

"Excuse me, sir! Do these vegetables have any dangerous additives?"

'Food critics cannot determine what are crime scenes.'

"Stomach content analysis shows the onions were sauteed after the pork was added but before adding the fennel."