Football Avoider Gifts

'Here! Call the contractor. I don't want to hear any nonsense about goals, or touchdowns, or baskets. I want to see shovels! Lots and lots of shovels!'

Mental Wellness Center. Some folks coming here are working on multiple issues. Earlier, I saw a germaphobe with a fear of flying. Using an airplane bathroom must be completely out of the question! There's a narcissist with math anxiety and a fear of public speaking. He hopes one day he can stand in front of a large audience and count all the wonderful qualities he believes he has. And that guy has claustrophobia combined with a fear of success. Looks like he's going through a rough period

'Burying things is his version of spring cleaning.'

"It's essential I go to work to avoid being with my family."

"We're going to see my family. There's an extra twenty in it for you if we never get there."

'Cleanliness is next to 'clean room' in the dictionary. Look it up.'

' I hit two good balls today - when I stepped on that rake.'

"We need to walk."

'This patch is to quit smoking...this patch is to quit drinking...this patch is to quit drugs...this patch is to quit coffee...and this patch is to quit having any kind of fun whatsover!'

'English homework leaves a pleasant after taste. History takes like fast food. But math is a real bummer on my digestive tract.'

'Can I go home now, before I get overeducated?'

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

'But, dear, I am walking the dog.'

"When I hear the word mathematics I immediately think of three things. Boring and useless."

"I realize you want to enjoy every last minute of summer, but it's not possible to stay awake until school starts."

I don't need to know any math --- I'm going to be a politician.

" will enver read that book, and I"m eagerly waiting to avoid the movie."

"I can’t even find the motivation to quit my gym membership."

Election Cancelling Headphones

'I follow my doctor's orders religiously. He said for me to spend two hours a day on the tennis court.'

'I'd like to request flexible working to avoid my family.'

New years resolutions

"I don't have time for New Year's resolutions, I'm still working on the backlog from 1998-2000."

'I'm not counting the days 'til school's out. I don't do math unless they make me.'

"Fever, chills and dizziness. Sounds like you have a Math test at work today."

'The manager tol us not to let the other side see the ball and that's what I'm doing!'

'How To Say No To Sales People'.

'The bite was great but you forgot to clutch your face and fall to the ground waving an imaginary card...'

"My only hope is that they eventually drop math from the curriculum."

Good parenting.

'Thanks for inviting me to go fishing, Ted. With hunting season over I was running out of ways to avoid working around the house!'

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

Jimmy Green won't be at school today, this is my father speaking...

'Can you put the rubbish out in next door's garden.'

The dog that does the homework...