Football Avoider Gifts

'Here! Call the contractor. I don't want to hear any nonsense about goals, or touchdowns, or baskets. I want to see shovels! Lots and lots of shovels!'

'Burying things is his version of spring cleaning.'

"It's essential I go to work to avoid being with my family."

"We're going to see my family. There's an extra twenty in it for you if we never get there."

' I hit two good balls today - when I stepped on that rake.'

'English homework leaves a pleasant after taste. History takes like fast food. But math is a real bummer on my digestive tract.'

'This patch is to quit smoking...this patch is to quit drinking...this patch is to quit drugs...this patch is to quit coffee...and this patch is to quit having any kind of fun whatsover!'

'Can I go home now, before I get overeducated?'

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

'But, dear, I am walking the dog.'

Election Cancelling Headphones

"When I hear the word mathematics I immediately think of three things. Boring and useless."

"I realize you want to enjoy every last minute of summer, but it's not possible to stay awake until school starts."

" will enver read that book, and I"m eagerly waiting to avoid the movie."

"I can’t even find the motivation to quit my gym membership."

'I follow my doctor's orders religiously. He said for me to spend two hours a day on the tennis court.'

'I'd like to request flexible working to avoid my family.'

New years resolutions

"I don't have time for New Year's resolutions, I'm still working on the backlog from 1998-2000."

"Fever, chills and dizziness. Sounds like you have a Math test at work today."

'I'm not counting the days 'til school's out. I don't do math unless they make me.'

'The manager tol us not to let the other side see the ball and that's what I'm doing!'

'How To Say No To Sales People'.

"My only hope is that they eventually drop math from the curriculum."

Good parenting.

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

'Thanks for inviting me to go fishing, Ted. With hunting season over I was running out of ways to avoid working around the house!'

Jimmy Green won't be at school today, this is my father speaking...

'Touch my toes? -- I have servants for that sort of thing!'

'I've got to work for my allowance? What kind of entitlement program is that??'

"You know, anyone who wishes he had a remote control for his exercise equipment is missing the idea of exercise equipment."