Foodie With Low Expectations T-Shirts

'Ok. I'm cooking dinner. What sounds good?'

'Your blood pressure is extremely high - your resistance to things that cause it, extremely low!'

"You're really not too extreme, huh?"

"The chef ran out of the shiitake-infused sweet potato au gratin, so he substituted hash browns."

'Wait, wait, before you mix them, you have to say, 'Pow!'.'

'Is it organic?'

"You sure you don't want any Pi?"

"The chef made some substitutions to tonight's menu. Instead of Escarots a la Bourguignonne, he's cooking hot dogs."

"Pardon, I should have been more specific...is everything all right with THE MEAL?"

"I've been a chef for far too long...."

The moat won't keep you from raiding the fridge if you order him to lower the drawbridge.

"I'm taking you off two of the four food groups."

'What kind of...'

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

Restaurant: Come & Get It! Bland Cuisine - 'Just plain food, good, but nothing fancy.'

"It was a cold night, like tonight, back, I'd say, in 1954."

"I was the first one to work completely gluten free."

"Back inside, Bernie! The buffet is full of shrimp, pork and ham!"

'This restaurant has got zero stars, right? Every single one of them is well deserved.'

Cull people who think, because it's organic, they can sell produce that's past its best.

"When you came down for a snack last night, did you see a plate of dog food in here?"

"I heard this dumpster got a bad review, but we'll try it out anyhow."

'...And when it registers over 140 pounds, it automatically triggers the refrigerator lock.'

'I think our marriage would make a great country song.'

"Tuna on rye, hold the smile."

Restaurant. Special: Fricken Chicassee. The chef shouldn't write the special when he's angry.

"If I admit that I was wrong I would be admitting to myself that my whole life and everything I am and believe in is based on lies!"

'You think ideas are contained in food?'

For once, I'd like to order a non-soy-based tofu substitute. No more health food. I have Tofurkey.

'Oh I can't stay here, i'm allergic to shell fish.'

EAT: Ambience-free cusine

"With these electricity prices we can't afford cooking anymore. Imagine eating sausage-favored popsicles."

"There, dammit. Is that enough pepper for you??"

'I think you've just invented a mysterious fifth food group.'

People ordering 4 types of Negroni in a restaurant.