Foodie Joker Prints

Vegetarian taxidermy

Pizza Express

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

"We know you boosted that milk truck!" "Admit it or we'll take a bite outta you!"

Sale. This place only sells the base for soup, but it's usually spoiled. The "stock" market is causing lots of upset stomachs!

'I'll be talking nonsense when you come to take our order. But, if you pretend I'm speaking French there'll be a big tip in it for you.'

'Okay,who would like a piece of freshly baked Shepherd's pie?!...'

'Eight wiener dogs, and six rolls. It's just not right.'

Pope tarts.

"Peanut butter sandwich. Instant pudding. TV dinner. Canned soup. This is home-style cooking."

Sesame Noodles

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"How fresh is the calamari?"

Bangers and Mash

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'Would you care for some fresh pepper? Well too bad, because all we have is these dried up old peppercorns.'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

'He's all eyes!'

"And your baskets include dead crickets, old socks, mice guts and toilet water."

"I'm not trying to freak you out, but your eel roll is moving."

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

"Eat more pizza and doughnuts and stop exercising. Just kidding, you should see your face!"

Doughnut Criminals

'It had taken some time, but the finding of a spaghetti junction brought immense satisfaction.'

'Yes, chocolate moose.'

I'll try the cod surprise.

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

"You're right. The sunscreen does taste like ranch dressing."

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

'Make it four beers and an '02 Brunello di Montalcino, if you've got it, for you-know-who.'

'Yes, I'd like the chef pan-fried, marinated in his disgusting sauce and charcoal grilled.'

"Just keep your eyes closed - it'll only upset you."

'It's her signature dish.'

"Do you have a dollar menu?"