Foodie Humorer Pillows

'Don't give up hope - Anthony Bourdain is bound to show up sooner or later.'

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

Filet minion

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Garlic Free Zone.

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

I'm freshwater. Make it a margarita without salt.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

Better Not Squash.

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

'Well you said you wanted sushi for lunch.'

Debbie greatly misinterpreted the marriage counselor's suggestion that she and Tom have a monthly 'date night.'

F&E Diner. I'll bet you want the alphabet soup, right? Hey! Don't put words in my mouth!

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

Cupcake jumps out of cake.

Seafood: "Of course our food is fresh."

"I don't know where to begin, each dish has its own app."

'Mustard, ketchup and mayo are all nice and creamy smooth. Why isn't anything being done about relish?'

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'