Foodie Footballer Gifts

Soccer party

'I sent out for everything.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

Counting ribs

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

Every barbecue has its winners and losers.

What the Doctor Ordered

I'm looking for a man who can meet my needs - Cream meringue master-chef.

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"You do like octopus?"

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

Ice Cream Surgeon

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

Fast food. Even faster food

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

La Table

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

"Easy for you to say - you're cured!"

"The space aliens who abducted me wanted to know what it was like to be loved...I wasted no time."

"To paraprase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure with out pain au chocolat."

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

"Rump roast?"

'On the contrary... I'm too tough for the steak!'

'He made an excellent jelly.'

Pigeon Little

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."