Foodie Deceiver T-Shirts

'Not only our fishcakes, Granny Cora herself was recalled. She's not really a Granny.'

"Two burgers, two fries, two martinis—and we'll have those to go."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

Fast Food Dieter

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

'I had the recipe upside down, so it's beefed corn.'

"I'm not trying to freak you out, but your eel roll is moving."

GM Crops Genie.

Horse meat scandal.

"Your chocolate biscuits and cakes are getting smaller - and where's your sweets aisle?"

Doughnut Criminals

"He's a fussy eater."

'My French is not so good.'

'Word to the wise: Always check the cheese for pills.'

The big break in the case of the missing French Fries: 'But just to make sure, can you have each of them squawk.'

"Every time my wife has an accident in the kitchen, I end up eating it. . ."

"Pecan pie with rum-raisin ice cream is the best revenge."

'... we've got a crowd of, oh I'd say fourteen million organisms here for the annual 'Salmonella potato salad bowl'!'

'Police. We have reason to believe you've been hacking into your neighbor's computers and stealing their recipes.'

Tiny restaurant portion. Man finds magnifying glass amongst cutlery.

"When you came down for a snack last night, did you see a plate of dog food in here?"

Pizza Exam: 'Just deliver it around the back of 'B' block. The money will be by the window. . .'

Fitz wasn't sure if this was a legitimate rescue or just more culinary trickery.

'This restaurant has got zero stars, right? Every single one of them is well deserved.'

"You asked me to keep a food diary, this is last week's!"

'Give me a size 12 please.'

'You've got me. Is it animal, vegetable or minestrone?'

'Grate two hundred grammes of cheddar cheese...' - 'Uh-oh.' - 'Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no...' - 'Cheese gives me nightmares.' - 'Argh!!! No!!! Make it stop!! I can't take the pain!! No!! Arghhhh!!!'

'Now that I can afford anything on the menu, I can't digest anything on the menu.'

Burgers - Available with: Ketchup, Mayo and Horse (Radish).