Foodie Culture Gifts

'How local is this.'

'Your tomato ketchup is on it's way, Sir...'

'I'm picking up unsubtle hints of coffee.'

Mushroom Foraging

"Stay that far away."

Killer Apple Pie Threatens Earth.

"Would it be possible to change this to something more instagrammable?"

"All the entrées are vegan, but they taste as good as endangered species."

"She'll come back. . . she always comes back."

"One large with cheese, pepperoni and grass clippings."

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

"Definitely smells better inside."

Jerry is reincarnated as a day-old, very weak cup of vending-machine cappuccino.

"I'll photoshop this before I post it on Facebook to make it look like I'm eating a smaller portion."

"Don't be intimidated by this place. The pretentiousness is offset by the mediocre food."

"They're boulettes de viande. They're meatballs. They're balls of meat."

"Would you believe it, they don't even have an option for vegan organic beef recipes from Bolivia!"

"I used to take photos of my meals, but once you've seen one salad..."

'It's no use... he won't reveal his sauces!'

"Sometimes, just to agitate them, I flash my jar on instant coffee."

"Lady, I didn't go to barista school just to serve you black coffee."

"We call it 'dish' of the day, but it's actually served on a plank of wood."

Soft Cheese

"Their water is all locally sourced."

"In the future, please order a small black coffee as a petit café noir."

Coffee

"Cheese isn't everything; it's the only thing."

"One skinny latte, and is that with almond milk, coconut milk, soya milk..."

"...and who's been posting pictures and reviews of our food on instagram?"

"You had me at pumpkin."

Meticulously prepared, locally sourced food served on artifacts of a romanticized industrial past, by people who take their fashion cues from daguerreotypes, to adults whose parents still pay their rent.

"You tell me if the roast beef is fresh."

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

"Hey, Gary. Lois wanted to know if you’re up for waiting forever for reheated leftovers and sipping warm mimosas intended to ease the pain of poor service amid a cacophony of idiot tourists and 20-year-olds... you know, brunch."

"If you boys are looking for brunch, you best just move along."