Food Trend Guru Gifts

"Is the MSG local?"

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

La Table

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

See you at the farmers market!

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

Queen of Quinoa

All Natural Nothing

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

Spontaneous Kombucha

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"There must be a place we can wait on line for an hour before eating."

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

A dozen predictions for foods of the future.

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

"I just found a lacto-vegan restaurant and Janet from accounts says she's FRUITAIAN!"

"Fridge-to-table"

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

"Nothing is organic, local or sustainable. Now, can we get started?"

Cinema with a salad bar in its lobby.

'It's one of those trendy 'warm salads,' with sausage, fried eggs, bacon and black pudding.'

"I'm sorry, but Chef Scott feels he's moved beyond that concept."

"Chef, we've run out of terracotta roof tiles!"

The Pumpkin Spice Routes

A woman looks at greeting cards in a section entitled "New Pie".

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."

'Ahh, but it's a Dyson saltshaker.'

"What's trending?"