Food Snob Sympathizers T-Shirts

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"They won't even try their palate cleansers!"

'Oh come on! I can't be that bad!'

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

Fast Food Dieter

'Hey, I told you this place wasn't easy to get into.'

"Our greatest fears are confirmed, they've taken waffle fries off the menu."

Inappropriate garnish.

"We couldn't find a raw-vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free, non-G.M.O. cake for your birthday, so we got you nothing."

'A sandwich?'

"That cat is just finicky...I think the cat food tastes just fine! How about you, Herb?"

'Madam, we do not discuss Julia Child at Maison Henri.'

'Perhaps monsieur found the Vichyssoise 'crunchy' because the soup bowl was not edible.'

Gentrification of the Fridge.

"Tell your chef I'd like something for a refined and cultured palate. For under ten bucks."

"Is this from the community garden? It tastes sanctimonious."

"Lobster? Of course, sir - Whom should we notify in case of an emergency?"

"The people next door eat a lot better."

'I'm picking up unsubtle hints of coffee.'

"Yes, I'm sure it looked cute and clean, but I would sooner starve to death than eat lunch in a place called Jennifer's Biscuit."

"How do I tell a diner 'no ketchup' in a courteous, yet condescending way?"

'How do you expect me to reconcile Breughel's Wedding Banquet on your place-mats with bland mid-western cuisine?'

'I love pretentious pasta!'

"It's not even artisanal."

"I'm strictly a squid and seaweed eater. Whenever I have plankton, I'm hungry an hour later."

'I think you'll enjoy this, Master James... it's sassy but bovine.'

Gordon Ramsey's Dog.

'How do you know you won't like brontosaurus if you don't try it?'

'How gauche! Serving oyster crackers with clam chowder.'

'Pretty label...shiny bottle...I'll take it!'

"Yes, we have several specials. But if we offered them to everybody, they wouldn't be special, would they?"