Food Scientists Gifts

Big Turmeric

'Real? No. They're all made out of soy and tofu. We wanted to crack the meatless industry up a few notches.'

'Sir, I'm authorized to buy 400 tons of your products. Not as provisions but to stock up our arsenal of biological and chemical weapons.'

Circa 1928, The Reese's Candy laboratory.

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

On August 14, 2011 at app. 2:00 p, Derek Winslow made scientific history by converting an item of the animal kingdom into an item of the plant kingdom.

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"States of tofu"

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

"We're hoping for a really smooth wine here."

'I have to agree -- the value of pie goes on indefinitely.'

GMOs: The Next Generation

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

Are laboratory grown foods the future of farming?

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

'According to these latest tests, anything can cause anything.'

"Give my compliments to the Biotech industry"

Acme Foods. Research and Development. Then it's an "no" on the Mexican Jumping Bean Dip?

Sure, I'll take a sandwich

Bio-Engineered Fruit of the Month Club

A dozen predictions for foods of the future.

Culinary surgery.

"I'm studying the effects of prolonged radiation exposure on a panzerotti."

Doctor uses thermometer to check chicken.

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

'Wait, wait, before you mix them, you have to say, 'Pow!'.'

'Hard or soft science?'

Cheese Secret

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

"And it shall be called peanut butter. And it shall appear as if perishable or in need of refrigeration but in truth it shall remain shelf-stable for months, though the oil may separate and require stirring. And there shall be a crunchy variety and there shall be a smooth variety. And . . ."