Food Portion Prankster T-Shirts

'Look! A ton of spaghetti and only one meatball.'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

Man opens refrigerator which promptly burps.

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

"The chef ran out of the shiitake-infused sweet potato au gratin, so he substituted hash browns."

'Well you asked for Al dente.'

"I'm not trying to freak you out, but your eel roll is moving."

"I couldn't have made my family recipe raisin date nut cake with it's secret ingredient without Jimmy's help."

"Here's the pub-grub you ordered"

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

Doughnut Criminals

"Be right with you - just need to call for a tow truck and change today's 'Catch of the Day' to venison."

'Thank you for the turkey, thank you for the dressing, and thank you for the squash, which Mother cleverly refers to as pumpkin pie.'

'Word to the wise: Always check the cheese for pills.'

'The chef's hat was delicious! But the hair...'

Stock Cube Crossing

'Here's one I nicked earlier.'

'No, there isn't any shrimp in the 'Shrimp Surprise' -- It's just called that because it's not all that surprising.'

'... we've got a crowd of, oh I'd say fourteen million organisms here for the annual 'Salmonella potato salad bowl'!'

'These are my dieting glasses. They magnify the food so I think I'm eating more than I really am.'

'Nice Touch!'

"Don't be alarmed, Lois, but there appears to be a pop-up thermometer protruding from your right buttock."

Fitz wasn't sure if this was a legitimate rescue or just more culinary trickery.

'Firstly whip your eggs....and everything else.'

"Please yourself, I'll add salt if you like but I'm only dyeing a pair of socks..."

Tiny restaurant portion. Man finds magnifying glass amongst cutlery.

"I've made my new spaghetti dish."

'Break's over, 'No-Lips!' I got a rush order for one chicken-fried steak!'

Pizza Exam: 'Just deliver it around the back of 'B' block. The money will be by the window. . .'

'Yech, there's a worm on my plate!' - 'That's a sausage, you fool.'

Clandestine Cuisine

'Chef's salad as ordered.'