Food Police Prints

'I see you avoided the junk food aisle.'

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

"The Chicken: Just another body type that shouldn't be permitted to wear yoga pants."

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

Please buzz off. That's my flower!

"He was WOK-ing in a winter wonderland."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"Just a minute, Mister. You're not going out of here looking like that."

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

World Hunger Conference.

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

GM Crops Genie.

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"I changed my mind - I don't want any shredded cheese on my salad."

"Dad, did you know Tia Carmen got a job at my school cafeteria?"

"You can't eat that. It has nuts in it."

Genetically Altered Salmon (and other foods) Research

"Did you manage to pass the buck on our dodgy food?"

"Your chocolate biscuits and cakes are getting smaller - and where's your sweets aisle?"

"We can serve a rare handburger, but because of health regulations, this room will have to be heated to 160 degrees."

Horse meat scandal.

Armstrong, an unmarked truck just delivered a pallet of mystery meat. Turkey. It doesn't look like turkey. It looks more like some sort of dehydrated pigeon. What's it matter? If we slap it in a sandwich, smother it in "gravy," and label it "turkey," customers won't know the difference. Wait, did you just think quotes around the word gravy? "no."

'Use by June 2007. Gah' - 'Use by July 2007. Double gah.' - 'Best of a bad bunch...'

'Finish your food and think about all those poor starving kids in America.'

"Be right with you - just need to call for a tow truck and change today's 'Catch of the Day' to venison."

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

"Tonight's specials include beef wellington (long regarded as a major source of cholesterol and saturated fat), Cajun-style swordfish (suspected of containing PCBs and toxic metals), and chicken teriyaki (recent increase in the incidence of salmonella whi

'The dept. of agriculture says yes, the environmental protection agency says maybe, and the food and drug administration says no.'