Food Naming Enthusiast T-Shirts

"It's macaroni. We all it pasta as a marketing ploy."

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

'And though he died during the hunt, we can only assume that George L Jones would want this new species of butt-faced clown monkey to forever bear his name.'

'It's another cookery programme but It's aimed at children.'

Baptism Then and Now

Naming that Impala

"I'm not a food critic I'm a literary critic and I've found the prose on your menu to be second-rate."

'Then again, who says we can't call it a mangelwurzel?'

"It's David."

Schoolgirl in canteen: 'The food's great but I wish they'd stop calling it 'pukka tukka'.'

Changing house name.

'Aren't they wonderful? And your wife's already named them John and Edward.'

All I can say is, thank goodness for nametags. Penne. Bowtie. Ziti. Fettuccini. Rotini. Campanelle.

'Chefs, the secret ingredient for tonight's competition is - wing of bat!'

Tofu: Firm, Soft, Amusingly Jiggly

"We're for calling it 'Hampton,' but they want to call it 'the Hamptons.' "

'Mozart...as your agent I strongly advise against your choice of stage name...'

'Why did Tarzan name his chimp cheetah?'

"You say 'potato' I say 'dehydrogenated on vegetable flavoured product enhancer.'"

Little Jimmy Harmon: first to amplify the sparerib

'We can call it a library, a media center or a resource room, but we are not going to call it an internet cafe.'

"I'd like to know who the heck was in charge of the naming!"

Is-you-is-or-is-you-ain't my baby!

"My master has trouble making a decision."

Aesthetic Pioneers

You've renamed your small coffee? It's called a big now. That's absurd! It's the same size - the smallest size! It's marketing hooey! Why not call this napkin a scone?! Careful. Huh? Brilliant! Sale on scones! Oh dear.

'We've decided to call her 'Whiskers'...'

'Looking back, maybe I shouldn't have called you 'Flash'. It just seems sarcastic now.'

"We're calling our son Wikipedia, so if he grows up with no entries, he'll at least have his name working for him.'

'This chicken was raised on a farm, ate corn and never consumed drugs. That's more than I knew about you when we dated.'

"Find one that uses only A, D, G, I, M, N, T and will be easier for him to text her when she's a teenager."

'How am I meant to be a lean mean rodent killing machine with a name like 'Twinky'!'

"... stearic acid, amylase, sodium stearoyl lactylate and — hold on. What in the world is C-I-L-A-N-T-R-O?"

'So, 'hamburger'...pig or cow?'

'Caution: this tomato soup combines with our chicken noodle soup can form a lethal nerve gas.'