Food Label Explorer T-Shirts

Yum Yum Crackers.

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

Sure, I'll take a sandwich

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

Attack of the 'health' foods

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

'...Contains Phixe-knide, TBHQ, hydro-cla, Cyklid, Yetfopnmide - and other unpronounceable stuff.' (grocery store)

'Advanced warning: High cholesterol 10mtrs ahead.'

"Congratulations! For checking the fridge 30 times in under an hour, you've won something that you actually want to eat!"

'It's not that I'm stupid. I'm lactose intolerant and on a diet.'

'What the devil is that?' - 'I don't know, I haven't named it yet.'

"Ding dong bell, Pussy's into wellness."

'Cool snack, Tommy! My folks are into health foods too!'

"These are the scientists behind some of your favorite preservatives."

Kitchen Consultations

Deep in the heart of the one-star restaurant district...'Guess what you're eating buffet!'

"Boneless, gluten free, vegan, grass fed, free range, bananas."

'You don't need to worry Jean, he's a very simple cook.'

'You said we can grow our own food. So, where's the hot dog seeds.'

"Come now, Gracie! Squash is a great vegetable...it can be fried, sliced, baked, steamed or boiled...before you refuse to eat it."

Now With Organic Artifical Additives

'Jake's Alternate Pharmacy.'

One of several sugar maple trees is labled sugar free.

'Orange juice from 100% carrots'

Tofu: Firm, Soft, Amusingly Jiggly

Lack of Nutrition Information

An elderly couple arrive at Kiddie Pool Buffet, where people are wearing swim suits etc. and serving food from the pool itself.

Roseanne4

'You have to send in $5 for a decoder ring to decipher the list of ingredients.'

Al's Health Spa: You are what you eat.

Carcinogenic/Non-carcinogenic.

'Daddy, this is Eddie. Eddie's conducting a study on middle class eating habits.'

'Where is the 'it won't immediately kill you' aisle?'

'This snack is vegan. It's 100% artificial ingredients.'