Food Jingler Gifts

He acts all cool and feral until the can of food comes out. Jingle jingle jingle.

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

The Main Types of Cheese

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"See this jelly wobbling. It was waving goodbye."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'Eight wiener dogs, and six rolls. It's just not right.'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

"Fresh pepper spray?"

'This place is really classy. They bring the microwave right to your table!'

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

'You'll find it has a bouquet reminiscent of cherries and chocolate, a silky texture and best of all, for me, a 72% gross margin.'

'To be honest I'm sick of truffles.'

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"The special is… pine nut encrusted… filet of salmon… in a balsamic wine reduction."

Pizza with Extra Extra Cheese.

'House wine?'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

"Fresh ground anti-depressants?"

"I see you've discovered the heirloom Twinkies."

"I think it's important to have a hobby outside of work...mine is eating chocolate."

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."