Food Jingler Gifts

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"See this jelly wobbling. It was waving goodbye."

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

'I think I'll go home and eat'

The Main Types of Cheese

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

'Eight wiener dogs, and six rolls. It's just not right.'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

'This place is really classy. They bring the microwave right to your table!'

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

'You'll find it has a bouquet reminiscent of cherries and chocolate, a silky texture and best of all, for me, a 72% gross margin.'

'To be honest I'm sick of truffles.'

"The special is… pine nut encrusted… filet of salmon… in a balsamic wine reduction."

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

Pizza with Extra Extra Cheese.

'House wine?'

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

"Fresh ground anti-depressants?"

"I think it's important to have a hobby outside of work...mine is eating chocolate."

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

"I see you've discovered the heirloom Twinkies."

Dave's Hamburger Shop

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.