Food Can Fanatic T-Shirts

"Now that's art!"

Counting ribs

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

Benihana style of cooking.

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

Kitchen Kapers

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

Important Food Groups

The Streets - Night

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

Burnt or Raw?

Would you be willing to sign something regarding the fat content of your burger? Like what? My colon.

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

'So this is goodbye then!'

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'I told him not to wear stretchy pants to dinner.'

'Shall we turn the extractor fan down a bit...?'

"As you can guess, Rico is my role model."

North Fork, the town too tough to diet.

'You know, after a long hard winter, I just HATE eating out of cans.'

"Is the garbage fresh?"

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

Will work for Food Network.

A convenient attack of swine flu...

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."