Food Blogger Prints

"It's your ribs. I'm afraid they're delicious."

Popeye Switches to Kale.

"It tastes and smells just like a glass of wine!"

'It's one of those trendy 'warm salads,' with sausage, fried eggs, bacon and black pudding.'

"The usual"

Breakfast. Breakfast on Instgram

Mediterranean Martini

'And that's how to make pancakes.'

'Oh Mother, he's just showing off his passion for freshness.'

"The food was terrible, but my wife said it photographed well."

Expectations vs. reality

"You think you're so damn Cordon Bleu!"

"Vindaloo hot enough for sir?"

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"They're doing wonderful things with food I hate."

'Strong curry for two and a fire-extinguisher.'

"Sunshine Mixed with Intermittent Burgers."

Iceberg Lettuce

'Today's entrees are the Breast with Thyme, and the Wurst with Thyme.'

'Leeks can disappoint you and garlic will break your heart, but only onions make you cry.'

"What would you recommend pairing with the school of cod fish?"

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

Sushi

'This restuarant has really gone downhill. Remember when you used to get a Wet-Nap with your meal?'

Your lobster was off!

'So, you didn't order the Korma then?'

Deep in the heart of the one-star restaurant district...'Guess what you're eating buffet!'

Formally foods that were good for you.

'To authenticate this recipe, first purchase a Soil Association accredited small holding in an unspoilt and exclusive locale, steadily add copious illustrated puff pieces to the nation press and plug. . .'

Devilled Eggs

"No. I don't want to eat it. Just post it on social media."

"You know they're trying too hard when the chef's special is Corn Dogs Bordelaise."

"I grew up in a very rough neighbourhood, but I've never met anyone as tough as this steak!"

"A restaurant critic! I hope she doesn't make this place sound too good."