Food Appreciation Gifts

'I read that you should only have a portion of meat about the size of your palm!'

"I'm sorry, but I can't sell you one until you give me the correct pronunciation."

The Specials

"That was my kind of party...good food, good people, good-bye."

"I want to see it as art, but I keep asking myself 'is it really grocery?'"

3 a.m. A knock on the door. It's the police. He feared the worse. Might have to share the last piece of cake.

"It was ok, but could be improved by cooking!"

Deli-grill in a supermarket luring customers in.

'You've gone soft Frank!'

'You know full well, your gastric band won't work if you keep eating spaghetti like that!'

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

Wealth Barometer

Fondue Heaven

Am Awful Crammer.

"At what point did my Boeuf Bourguignonne become a pejorative beef stew?"

"I'm learning to appreciate the simple things in life."

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

Serving Wine

"Now, in contrast to the last olive oil you tasted, this one is infused with sixty-five more dollars."

WHACK!

'No, no... I ordered a tart, not a tort!'

Customer admires courtyard of bagel shaped restaurant.

Restaurant scene; diners are shown kneeling in reverence at their tables.

Deli Special - 2 bean salad: 'We ran out of red beans.'

'Sometimes they bring food home from a restaurant but you can tell it hasn't been properly tinned.'

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

'This is quite common. You've eaten so many sausages that you've turned into one.'

'Either currents have wings or there's a fly in this bun!'

'Snob, he won't eat domestic slugs, just imports.'

'So...They got you too..'

Potted meats section.

"The jelly required a soupçon more texture on the custard was on the wrong side of sweet."

'I thought it was your figure you were supposed to be watching !'

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

"Before the 'obesity pandemic' I was just 'jolly'."