Font Size Fiddler Gifts

'Here is a printout of the results of our recent standardized tests and here are the same results printed with a very small, hard-to-read-font, to make the implications less obvious.'

Pet Shop: "I think I've found one for me."

The Hey Diddle Diddle Orchestra

May your Christmas be full of harmony

"Oh no I left my bagpipes in the oven."

"People who don't believe in soulmates just haven't met the right animal."

"Put your phones on vibrate. Maybe they'll keep you awake."

'Why do I have to do this? -- Violins never solve anything!'

"You have to practice because if the Devil challenges you to a fiddle contest and wins, he gets your soul."

The Stomach Dance - inc. figure reminiscent of the Bon-Mots grotesques

Sermon - why our religion is really better than yours.

"How embarrassing, I'm literally glued to the television."

"Ey, Zoltan! Come in and fiddle around in here tonight."

"Thanks for walking me home."

Midway through the show, a seamless switch, from air guitar this Celtic air fiddle.

Ceilidh Minogue.

"Well, it's like they say; 230 is the new 180."

"Hey, no problem!"

Doug Kershaw

Perpetual motion car

Hello, auto club? I have an emergency. What's happened, sir? Ever since I upgraded to iOS 8, my iPhone hasn't been syncing with my car stereo over bluetooth. I don't feel comfortable driving without being able to hear my "driving" playlist. How long till you get here? Sir, we're going to have to revoke your membership.

"I must be getting good, 'cause my dad told to go play for the neighbors!"

Spinning Violinist

'It was your request for a more complicated tax form that raised the red flag.'

The Mother Goose Report. Nursery Rhyme Weather Channel. Rhymeville. High Diddle Diddle. Low Diddle Diddle. And with this "high" moving in, you can expect weird things like a cat with a fiddle and a cow jumping over the moon.

"Play around with these figures, Harry. I've given you the total I want them to add up to."

Old fiddles play the sweetest tunes!

'I think I prefer the fiddler's three.'

Scotsman playing the fiddle.

"Oops...nothing but IOUs I never paid back!"

Would you like some sprinkles on that?

"Of course, all the good ones are fixed."

Alcoholic Violinists

"Guess your weight and market demographic."