Flooring Tradesman Pillows

"Well I've done the floor! Only two days hard graft, but I thought you said the apartment had a sea view..."

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

"Do you prefer the tile engineered to look like wood, or the wood engineered to look like tile?"

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

'Ooh, hey...real hardwood floors!'

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of dealing with emergency plumbing problems are the hardest.'

"Well, you said your glasses needed cleaning!"

A plumber preparing to go under a house's dark crawl space sees many eyes looking back from the darkness.

Elevator buttons : Rare, Medium, Well done.

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

"We're a totaly automated facility, except for Frank. He plugs everything in each morning."

"The hardest thing about learning to tumble is the floor."

'Doors opening.' - 'Doors closing.' - 'Doors bored now.'

"I've decided to replace the sod floor with tile."

Swimming Champion.

"We're thinking Shag Carpet. I'm tired of hardwood floors."

'I just want to find out where my apprentice left my favorite drill.'

Dave had yet to master his new nail machine gun.

'That was some varnish remover!'

Welcome to Radio City Music Hall.

Fissure waxing - Department of Seismology.

Live Elevator Music 3-7:30.

"If anyone wants me I'll be on the shop floor strutting my stuff."

Young Roger Penrose: 'Dad, I want to become a floor tiler.'

'I thought if I tried diving, I wouldn't mind a bath so much!'

'Just bag the groceries kid.'

"You were right, dear, slippers, shiny floor and a grouting gun don't mix."

"This just in - The Dow continues its relentless plunge. Relentless plunges are brought to you by Remik Elevator."