Floodophile Pillows

"I don't care if the goldfish does love it - call a plumber!"

"We'll always have Paris..."

'Luxury cruise you said!'

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

Captain steering house through flood.

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

Wally flunks the test: The Emergency Broadcast System.

'...and the property lies in a beautiful valley by the banks of the river...'

'Expecting a bit of wet weather Reg...?'

"We have to recognise that severe weather events are becoming more common. . ."

'Two pencils approach Noah's ark.'

'I've been plagued with worry over rising water levels, so...'

"I thought you meant we had a security leak."

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."

'Have you filed an environmental impact statement for this flood?'

'What do they mean 'is borer a beast of the field'?'

"Yes, Mr. Willis, it's definitely rising damp."

Climate Change Contingency House

"When the rubber duck reaches eye level it's a flood. . . wow, brilliant!"

'It's the Environment Agency. They're sending a leaflet on how to grow gills.'

Chelsea flower show sewage

"Ned is getting ready for the oceans to rise."

'Do you suppose we might qualify for asylum in Holland?'

'If you can smile when everything around you is going wrong... you're probably in the repair business!'

'Should we upgrade the levees or just go hydroponic?'

'It's the plumber ... '

"Actually we were hoping for something a little more sensible..."

'It's a very nice house, when the tide is out.'

Master Plumber

Noah's Ark

Official in flooded office says: 'A decision on lifting the hosepipe ban will be made in due course.'

"Good news. You have the old fashioned flu!"