Flood Fanatic Pillows

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

"Ease up on the gas you're flooding it."

Climate Change Contingency House

'It doesn't help much, your saying, 'oh, well, it needed a wash anyway'!'

'...and the property lies in a beautiful valley by the banks of the river...'

'Expecting a bit of wet weather Reg...?'

'You're operating an unlicensed water vessel.'

'Sorry, but being left high and dry isn't covered by your flood insurance.'

'Quite a downpour wasn't it?'

'I'll call you back. I'm out with the dog in the fields at the moment.'

Rail Replacement Service

"I thought you meant we had a security leak."

'Luxury cruise you said!'

'Okay, Noah...I'm going to tell you again. Listen very carefully this time.'

Wally flunks the test: The Emergency Broadcast System.

'Two pencils approach Noah's ark.'

'I've been plagued with worry over rising water levels, so...'

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."

"The dove certainly helped, but GPS really nailed it."

'Have you filed an environmental impact statement for this flood?'

"....rather than spend millions on a potentially fruitless effort to avoid flooding we've decided to focus on public safety!"

"When the rubber duck reaches eye level it's a flood. . . wow, brilliant!"

'Do you suppose we might qualify for asylum in Holland?'

'It's the Environment Agency. They're sending a leaflet on how to grow gills.'

'Oy! Don't you realise there's a hosepipe ban?'

"Well, there's still lots of water around, but alternate-side-of-the-street parking regulations have been suspended indefinitely."

"I don't get it. How come it's so cheap?"

"Noah was having second thoughts about allowing the beavers onto the ark. . ."

The mysteries of Noah's ark.

Noah's Ark

'Did I or did I not say, no woodworm?!'

'Well, stop watching him if it makes you stress over flood insurance.'

Mexico braces for more floods.

Next train: Deluged

'Bernie, sell my insurance stocks! Buy boat companies!'