Flood Resilience Enthusiasts T-Shirts

'It has less to do with loneliness than with the fact that I live in a flood-prone area and I can't swim.'

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

"May we live in interesting times. And may we outlive them."

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

'You'll find there's no middle ground with Kirk Knoland.'

"I'm sure he'll pull through. He's always been a real fighter."

"Attitude is everything, Sid. Remember: Life is 10% what happens to us, and 90% how we choose to react to it!"

'Okay, Noah...I'm going to tell you again. Listen very carefully this time.'

Wally flunks the test: The Emergency Broadcast System.

'Expecting a bit of wet weather Reg...?'

'...and the property lies in a beautiful valley by the banks of the river...'

Noah wears hearing protection as animals howl.

Redundancies

'Two pencils approach Noah's ark.'

'I've been plagued with worry over rising water levels, so...'

The globe vaults over Covid-19

"First day out of bed?"

'Have you filed an environmental impact statement for this flood?'

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."

"I thought you meant we had a security leak."

Climate Change Contingency House

"When the rubber duck reaches eye level it's a flood. . . wow, brilliant!"

"....rather than spend millions on a potentially fruitless effort to avoid flooding we've decided to focus on public safety!"

Damp? Only when the tide is very, very high.

'It's the Environment Agency. They're sending a leaflet on how to grow gills.'

'Do you suppose we might qualify for asylum in Holland?'

Covid Fightback

Over the last year I've come to have a new opinion about what real strength is.

"Captain, I'm burned out!"

"Do I have a personal preparedness plan in case of a national emergency? Well, if screaming while running amok is a plan, then yes, I have a plan."

'Oy! Don't you realise there's a hosepipe ban?'

'I'll call you back. I'm out with the dog in the fields at the moment.'

'Something on a floodplain, preferably.'

'Did I or did I not say, no woodworm?!'

'Well, stop watching him if it makes you stress over flood insurance.'