Flight Attendant Prints

"Ladies and gentlemen, is there a bankruptcy attorney on board?"

"This is coach class. Let's lose the smile."

"No, you're not in a box. You're in an exit row. And I need you to acknowledge that verbally."

'On the plus side folks, we'll be landing way, way ahead of schedule.'

Airplane Seatbelts

"At this time I'd like to ask you to remain calm, fasten your seat belt and flap your arms just as fast as you can."

'You can relax now, ladies and gentlemen, , , we're through all of that rough turbulence,'

Incontinental Airlines: 'Okay sir, will that be a window, an aisle or a bathroom seat?'

"I used to be afraid of flying, but thanks to airplanes, not anymore."

'Oops' Plane crash

Einstein discovers that time can stop completely.

'He must be going economy!'

"In case of a loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop down in front of you for two dollars."

On the plus side, folks, we should have you on the ground way, way ahead of schedule...

'You're charging me for TWO seats; an extra fee for my trunk, and now you've stopped giving out peanuts!...and you call yourself a JUMBO jet.'

'Relax, folks, he just did that for me. When I get the hiccups, a little scare never fails to cure them.'

Every now and then, Doreen liked to see how many people were paying attention to her safety talk.

"You have to walk around on these long hall flights to avoid thrombosis.. "

"I can get you to San Francisco through Dallas via Atlanta, but we'd have to take a kidney right here and now."

"Don't worry. Insurance should cover it."

'Would you mind holding my hand Jim? The truth is, I'm deathly afraid of flying.'

Further Cutbacks

'The charges are correct, sir. The airline now charges for emotional baggage as well.'

"It's been nice talking to you, but I should probably get back to staring blankly ahead."

A flight attendant reads a magazine on the jump seat and there is a bullwhip above her head.

'You know, you remind me of me when I first started here.'

'I'm sorry, we don't have chicken or fish. However, we do have a choice of surcharges. Would you prefer fuel, technology upgrade or new labor deal?'

'I'm not saying you wouldn't try to do the right thing in an emergency, it's just. . . look at your freaky little arms.'

"Well, thank goodness that was a soft landing!"

'At this time, we would like to call those passengers who feel compelled to board before their row numbers are announced.'

"I'll put this device onto flight mode when you put this plane onto flight mode."

Product Recall (aeroplane)

Airline Mergers.

'We have a problem, Bob! All the passengers back there are on the wrong plane. Even the attendants are on the wrong plane. Hey, wait - you're not Bob.'

Multiple panels showing a flight attendant's luggage on different lengths of a working trip.