Flexibility Guru Gifts

"Thanks to yoga, I now gently stretch to conclusions instead of jumping to them"

'Of course it's competitive. I'm competing with myself.'

A martial artist doing a one-handed handstand

'Let's not go by the book.'

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

Yoga Xmas Decorations

Biceps, muscles and brawn

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

"As you can see, we have a very flexible work-from-home-at-the-office policy."

'Swimming is the healthiest sport. . . Because it's the only one where you can't smoke while you're doing it.'

"How long were you in that headstand?"

"You need to do less talking the talk and more walking the walk."

"Yoga helps me unwind."

Psychiatry in the Park

"Remember, ladies, if you are doing this right you shouldn't be able to do it."

'Look honey! I can touch my knees!'

'It's a suitability test I give all flexible working requests.'

"My fit watch has conspired with the TV remote. The remote only stays on some fitness channel until I get up and exercise."

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

"I'm thinking of giving up yoga! Yesterday my lotus position turned into a cauliflower!"

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

Woman on running machine next to a cake.

'You'll be spending a little time in pilates purgatory but don't worry, those guys work miracles.'

'Apparently, you've purchased another piece of exercise equipment. I think it's time I organised an intervention.'

'This new 'flexible working' scheme is a great idea. . . It helps us to identify staff who have a more balanced life. People who have interests outside of the office.'

'He's known as the hardest-driving track coach in the country.'

'OK... Technically you CAN touch your toes.'

Miracles of modern sports medicine: the Nerdectomy.

"The only way to stop the spread is to eat less and exercise more."

"His fitness tracker said he needed 36 minutes more sleep!"

"I warned you about those contortions, Mr. Dershowitz."

"You call that complementary!?!"

It doesn't get any better than this --- Tai Chi with chai tea!

Yoga. My goal in yoga is the same as the goal of defensive football players. Bend but don't break.