Flexibility Aspirants Pillows

"MMPHH. . . I said I don't think I'm built for yoga!"

"I wish I had her jewelry." "I wish I had his wife." "I wish I had her figure." "I wish I had his money."

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

"Remember, ladies, if you are doing this right you shouldn't be able to do it."

"Yoga helps me unwind."

'It's a suitability test I give all flexible working requests.'

'I can't see my nuts anymore.'

'This new 'flexible working' scheme is a great idea. . . It helps us to identify staff who have a more balanced life. People who have interests outside of the office.'

"I warned you about those contortions, Mr. Dershowitz."

Yoga. My goal in yoga is the same as the goal of defensive football players. Bend but don't break.

'OK... Technically you CAN touch your toes.'

"I've had a lot of free time this year."

'You should now feel relaxed and at one with your whole body.'

"I don't know which makes me happier: switching to natural gas to save money or watching the fight about fracking in order to get that gas."

'I turn the other cheek more now that Botox has made it wrinkle-free.'

A mid-lithe crisis.

'This part of your office's new flexible-work-from-home-schedule?'

"They got rid of 'work from home,' so I pushed for 'blanket forts from office.'"

"My alignment is pathetic for downward-facing dog."

"Cobra pose assisted by chocolate mousse."

The Janopause

"Okay, I'm not the fastest gun in the west. . . but I am the fastest gun in my immediate family!"

Why The Ball Is Jumping Out

'How are your yoga classes working out?'

Finally. A home exercise system that really is a clothes rack!

Ballerina

"Unexpected item in bagging area."

Yoga. (Flamingo stands with one leg wrapped behind its neck.)

The Acrobat/Musician

'Oh...you actually meant bedroom gymnastics.'

"Oh, gosh! Yoga in twenty minutes."

'How's your pilates class doing?'

'I love being my own boss!'

"Management wants to introduce more flexibility into our working hours . . . starting with the 108 hour week."

"Is it possible to achieve inner peace and a charley horse at the same time."